Why do I keep replaying that conversation?
· Source: Nolen-Hoeksema, Wisco & Lyubomirsky, Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2008
Going over a conversation again and again feels like working it out. Research on rumination says it mostly keeps the bad feeling going.
Why do I keep replaying that conversation?
Replaying feels like fixing it. Mostly it isn’t. A 2008 review of the research on rumination found that going over the same upset again and again made low moods worse, made thoughts more negative and got in the way of solving the problem. Go through it once, then stop. Say what happened in plain words, name how you feel, and end with one next step. “Nothing to do” counts as a step. Sort it out once. Not forty times. Halflight writes it down under today’s date, so you can see it’s already been sorted.